Sweet Jeezus. I'm finally back from San Francisco a day late and several hundred dollars short. I was supposed to return to real life on Monday but I'm tragically impulsive and horribly narcoleptic and decided to stay an extra day. I had wanted to check out some shops and live it up in San Franny like a classy-ass broad but my plans got head-butted by the cold hard fact that I was there alone with my kids. SF is NOT a kid friendly town by any means and I swear to Cthulhu that my chilluns were the only chilluns in a 5 block radius. Those artist-hobos and trust fund-hipsters didn't know what hit them. Still, it isn't hard to have a good time in San Franny, even if your travel companions are between the ages of 2 and 9, and I'll tell you why: The food in San Francisco is fucking delicious. There seems to be a creamery and a bakery on every corner and I can't swing a baby without hitting an organic grass-fed burger joint. I made figurative love to all of it.
Tapas and sangria at Esperpento in the Mission:
|My offspring going to town on cured ham, alcachofas a la plancha, tortilla de patata, calamares fritas, and pollo al ajillo.|
Saffron, brown sugar-banana, dutch chocolate and vanilla coconut ice creams at Xanath in the Mission:
|11:00 pm and cracked out on ice cream.|
Grass-fed wieners and oysters on the half-shell in the Ferry Building:
|I totally talked my oldest one into eating these|
Rose, lilikoi, blood orange, and chocolate macaroons PLUS princess cake from Fillmore Bakeshop in Pac Heights:
|Best macaroons. Ever. I'd give my right ovary for another half dozen.|
Gigantic sandwiches from Mollie Stone's
|I forgot to take a picture of my actual sandwich because I was too busy stuffing my face.|
My weight in sourdough from Boudin:
|I couldn't stop eating this and it wasn't even mine. It was Liam's. I ordered a salad like a dainty lady.|
Wine and lethargy in Dolores Park:
|Play your cards right and you'll find a lady selling Space Cakes for $2.50. I settled for 2-3 glasses of wine and playing with strangers' dogs.|
Salted-caramel soft-serve from Bi-Rite in Mission Dolores:
|Once again, I forgot to take a picture because I was too busy nomming.|
Hamburgers the size of your head from Urbun Burger in the Mission:
|It's pretty hard to fuck up burgers and beer but still, pretty good in my opinion.|
So, I hope this explains why my jeans are tight and my wallet is empty. I hope we can do this again, San Francisco. Loooooooove you.
On to some shit I want! (other than a faster metabolism and more macaroons.)
I was introduced to this in San Francisco by my brother:
I had never seen or heard of this before. It's called Ploom. It's like an e-cigarette though there's no "e" involved since it is powered by butane and it uses actual tobacco (or herbs) instead of chemical nicotine. It's like a portable vaporizer/hookah. There's different flavored little pods that you just pop in and puff away and I like the fact that it's smokeless so you don't smell like a bum's nutsack like you do after smoking conventional cigarettes. I just wish it was a little more stylish. I should have taken a pic of me using it but you essentially look like you're sucking on a highlighting marker. It does say "beta" on the side (it's a san franny start-up) so maybe they'll come out with a style that looks more Auntie Mame and less like an orally fixated co-ed.
Ploom, take note. This is what I want: