Wednesday, June 15, 2011

San Franny Recap and Shit I Want Wednesday

Sweet Jeezus.  I'm finally back from San Francisco a day late and several hundred dollars short.  I was supposed to return to real life on Monday but I'm tragically impulsive and horribly narcoleptic and decided to stay an extra day.   I had wanted to check out some shops and live it up in San Franny like a classy-ass broad but my plans got head-butted by the cold hard fact that I was there alone with my kids.  SF is NOT a kid friendly town by any means and I swear to Cthulhu that my chilluns were the only chilluns in a 5 block radius.  Those artist-hobos and trust fund-hipsters didn't know what hit them.  Still, it isn't hard to have a good time in San Franny, even if your travel companions are between the ages of 2 and 9, and I'll tell you why:  The food in San Francisco is fucking delicious.  There seems to be a creamery and a bakery on every corner and I can't swing a baby without hitting an organic grass-fed burger joint.  I made figurative love to all of it.

Tapas and sangria at Esperpento in the Mission:
My offspring going to town on cured ham, alcachofas a la plancha, tortilla de patata, calamares fritas,  and pollo al ajillo.

Saffron, brown sugar-banana, dutch chocolate and vanilla coconut ice creams at Xanath in the Mission:
11:00 pm and cracked out on ice cream.

Grass-fed wieners and oysters on the half-shell in the Ferry Building:
I totally talked my oldest one into eating these

Rose, lilikoi, blood orange, and chocolate macaroons PLUS princess cake from Fillmore Bakeshop in Pac Heights:
Best macaroons.  Ever.  I'd give my right ovary for another half dozen.

Gigantic sandwiches from Mollie Stone's
I forgot to take a picture of my actual sandwich because I was too busy stuffing my face.

My weight in sourdough from Boudin:
I couldn't stop eating this and it wasn't even mine.  It was Liam's.  I ordered a salad like a dainty lady.

Wine and lethargy in Dolores Park:
Play your cards right and you'll find a lady selling Space Cakes for $2.50.  I settled for 2-3 glasses of wine and playing with strangers' dogs.

Salted-caramel soft-serve from Bi-Rite in Mission Dolores:
Once again, I forgot to take a picture because I was too busy nomming.

Hamburgers the size of your head from Urbun Burger in the Mission:
It's pretty hard to fuck up burgers and beer but still, pretty good in my opinion.

So, I hope this explains why my jeans are tight and my wallet is empty.  I hope we can do this again, San Francisco.  Loooooooove you.

On to some shit I want! (other than a faster metabolism and more macaroons.) 

 I was introduced to this in San Francisco by my brother:

I had never seen or heard of this before.  It's called Ploom.  It's like an e-cigarette though there's no "e" involved since it is powered by butane and it uses actual tobacco (or herbs) instead of chemical nicotine. It's like a portable vaporizer/hookah.  There's different flavored little pods that you just pop in and puff away and I like the fact that it's smokeless so you don't smell like a bum's nutsack like you do after smoking conventional cigarettes.  I just wish it was a little more stylish.  I should have taken a pic of me using it but you essentially look like you're sucking on a highlighting marker.  It does say "beta" on the side (it's a san franny start-up) so maybe they'll come out with a style that looks more Auntie Mame and less like an orally fixated co-ed.

Ploom, take note.  This is what I want:


  1. Is that a bread roll with soup in it? Whether or not it is, it's a marvellous idea. I'm off to hollow out a crusty loaf and heat up a tin of Campbells. How long til it leaks?

    If children are up at 11 (the horror) I imagine ice-cream is the only way. SF sounds wonderful, I await the time that my offspring are old enough to enjoy loooong holidays with Granny.

  2. Ha! Look at those two cracked out on ice-cream, hilarious. They look kind of dazed and confused.
    What is that? Is it, like Lakota said, bread with soup in it? It looks gorgeous. xxx

  3. Vix and Lakota - Haha. That is soup in a bowl. Clam chowder to be exact. Totally touristy. As long as your loaf is chewy, I don't think it ever leaks. They should line boats with that stuff.

  4. i got that same delicious ass bread bowl from boudin's. i was feeling like shit that day, and then after i ate it, i felt like a miracle had been performed. there's magic in them thar breads.

  5. Bienvenida amor,
    Que felices se ven tus chiquillos comiendo.
    All the food looks so good, se me antoja.

  6. Haha! You are cracking me up. Your offspring must love u! Esp. if you could talk them into eating oysters.

  7. You're Lucky - Was this after the infamous tea house incident? If Boudin's made you feel better then that WAS a miracle.

    La Dama - Ha. We're a whole family of professional eaters.

    La Sophia - Haha. I wish! My oldest is pretty adventurous in the food department all on his own.

  8. I finally got my ass over to check you out!!
    I LOVE the name of your blog!! And I love that pic of Louise Brooks!She's awesome!!
    And I'm hysterical about the kids cracked up on icecream!!!! I'm often guilty of sugaring kids up,makes me laugh......naughty!!

  9. Gracias,
    fijate, que I never thought of looking like Maria Montez. ,ya que veo las fotos, I see a little resemblance,she even rock the hell out the bangs.